Sometimes I get pretty confused with myself.
Like I've said,I cant fanthom myself sometimes.

I am alone in my house now.(and then again)
I wonder how bad can it be if I were to stay like this?

Sing to myself.
Typing my thoughts out.
Alone.

I dont like this.
But I never show that I like what I have before it is time for lonliness to set in.

Much as I wish,I am never the type that would openly express my affections and love to my family.
Though they are important to me,if not the most?
They are never,too.
Most of us are not,but I hope I will be in the future.

Anyway.

I dunno what kinda person I am.

I know beneath that layers and layers of talks laid a pretty irritating me.
A coward.
Maybe autistic?
Ha.

Sometiems I really wish that I am wiser for my age.
Wisdom doesnt necessary comes with age.
But still I am not wise,can never be.

I wish I can take life in a more laid back manner.
But I am scare that I would be one name with no career,no sense of belonging,no achievements in years to come.

Stupid employers would always comment that 21 is still so young.(Really like the one today)
May I ask,4-5 years down the road..would you be asking what have I been doing when I was young?
Is 21 never an age to start working?

Stupid employers would always comment that why arent you doing what you study?
May I ask,did all entrepreneurs studied Entrepreneurship?Did all sales person come with sales course?(and so on)
My answer,dont be an ass.And worse...stupid ass.
You deserve my slap.

There is far too much sterotypication for this world.
I think in order for me to be a milk maid,I must take a course in squeezing mik outta the cow and pass with a cert at least.

Sometimes..I admit..I am pretty selfish.
I can be selfless but in some area,I am selfish.

At my home,my responsibility is there.
Invisible but heavy.

And so I should not or cant hesistate to do something that can help me to fulfill that role efficiently.

What brings me down is often my incapability to withstand the challenge.
Time after time,I am made believe to be a stronger person than before.

Many things can bring me down.
But I refused to bow.
Not to the things,not the people.

My current fear is that foreseeing myself still where I am standing now.
Nothing.Really nothing.

If that is to come true,I feel unjust.
I am scare.

Thus I am trying my best to prevent that to come true.

Am I afraid to lose?

I have nothing to lose yet.
I am just afraid that I cant gain anything yet.
Gain is a wrong word.
Achieve is what I meant.